


Tastes like Dirt

by Taliax



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Makes Puns, Bad Puns, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Idiots in Love, Marichat | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Likes Puns, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Makes Puns, but by that i mean literal jokes about dirt, i just like these two best at their most stupid, i would tag this with dirty jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25986268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: Dirt tastes like dirt.  Chat Noir also happens to taste like dirt.  (Marichat fic)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 67
Kudos: 388





	Tastes like Dirt

**Author's Note:**

> i told maryssa that she could write a fic about marichat eating dirt and i'd thank her for it. yet somehow i'm the one here writing about dirt. anyway enjoy these 2 idiots
> 
> oh yeah also it's not really super relevant but I wrote this picturing them being like 18-19 (first year university) here. I think I said it's like 4 years in the future, idk, ~~its a fic about eating dirt, take it for what it is~~
> 
> EDIT: Alyce drew art for this!! It's put in the fic at the corresponding scenes(s), but you can also view it here: https://landturtlealyce.tumblr.com/post/627107482388611072/oh-my-gosh-this-was-from-the-dirt-wasnt-it

Dirt tasted like… well, dirt.

Marinette cackled at the sight of him with dirt spilling out of his mouth, but he wasn’t a coward. He swallowed the handful of soil he’d dug up with his claws. Hopefully Officer Raincomprix didn’t count that as destruction of city-owned property. The park grass would grow back eventually.

“See? Delicious. Full of minerals.” He grinned, flashing brown-stained teeth. Ouch, he was pretty sure that was a pebble stuck between his molars.

“More like full of _stupid.”_ Marinette was still laughing.

“Come on, that wasn’t even a good joke!” Adrien protested while digging a claw between his teeth. Definitely a pebble. “You had the world full of dirt puns open to you, and you went with _stupid?”_

She rolled over onto her stomach, propping her chin up with her elbows.

“Oh yeah? Well what does a _good_ dirt joke sound like?” 

“I don’t know. My mind’s not _dirt_ y enough to go there.”

She blinked before her mouth fell open in a groan.

“Four out of ten. That was just terrible.”

“Don’t you mean _terra-_ ble?” He licked his teeth before grinning again. The dirt honestly _had_ been awful—and was still clogging his dry throat—but it was worth it to make Marinette laugh like that.

“Save me.” Her face flopped to the ground. Black hair parted on each side of her neck, falling in front of her cheeks and hiding her smile from him. 

He brushed her bangs away so he could see her eyes, at least. “If you asked nicely, I _mud_ put you out of your misery.”

She glared from the spaces between his fingers. “That only gets a two. I can’t tell if you were going for ‘would’ or ‘might.’”

He shrugged and reclined back on his palms. “I still don’t see you doing any better.”

“Maybe I’m just too down-to- _earth_ to _dirty_ my hands with your _mud_ dled sense of humor.”

His eyes widened. “Three puns in one? You’re the one playing dirty.” He’d have to give it a hesitant eight-point-five out of ten. The ‘muddled’ pun was a bit too forced for it to be an even nine.

“You’re just jealous, kitty.” She rolled over and rested her palms over her stomach, smirking up at him. “Admit it. I’m the funny one out of the two of us.”

“Only if you admit I’m the hot one.”

She laughed. “Okay, I guess _that’s_ why you’re the funny one.”

He scowled. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” she reached up to boop his nose, “that you can’t be the hot one when your teeth are black and brown.”

Hm. Okay, he could give her that. Fortunately, it had an easy fix.

“Chat— _Chat!_ Put that down!” She sat bolt upright when he unscrewed the top of her water bottle.

“What? You’re done with your jog. I’ll buy you a new one.” He poured the water into his mouth, swishing it around his teeth. That stubborn pebble still wouldn’t move, but at least his throat didn’t feel like… well, like he’d swallowed dirt.

She crossed her arms. “That’s it. I’m changing my jogging route. _And_ I’m not bringing pastries next time.”

She hadn’t brought pastries this time, either. That was what led from one joke to another, until he ended up with a mouthful of dirt.

“Oh, the horror! Will you consign me to a life of dirt-eating forever?” He dramatically raised his arm to his forehead. Through the one eye he left cracked, he watched her shake her head.

“Fine, drama queen. I’ll bring pastries. But only because I never want to see you do that again.” She snatched the water back as he laughed

“And here I thought eating dirt might make you _dig_ me.” He wiggled his eyebrows, even though he was mortified inside. Had he given his crush away over a _dirt pun?_

But judging from Marinette’s deadpan stare, she didn’t notice. Either that or she just wasn’t impressed. ...Probably that, actually.

“If you’re trying to make me _dig_ you, I would hope you had a better plan than that.”

Well. _Plan_ was a generous word, but he had adjusted his patrol schedule to better line up with the end of her evening jogs. At first he justified it as wanting to keep her safe at night. But honestly, it was because he lived for these little moments, just being stupid together in the cool summer breeze. With the park’s bushes and trees filtering out the glow of the city, it felt almost like another world. A frozen bubble where he could do anything. 

Maybe even tell Marinette how he felt about her.

“Would you… wantme to have a plan?” He asked, nervousness suddenly shooting through him. He loved the easy friendship they had when he was suited up. 

But he also just loved _her._

Her gaze remained fixed towards the bushes, where headlights of passing cars just barely peeked through the dense leaves.

“Not really,” she finally said, and his stomach dropped. 

He should’ve known not to get his hopes up. He’d just eaten _dirt_ in front of her. Did he really think she’d say she liked him after that?

“I think I’d rather it be natural. Just… something that happened.” 

Her eyes finally flickered back to his, and his heart sped like it was trying to catch up. His throat felt dry again, but he wasn’t about to ruin the moment by stealing her water.

“But you’d want it to happen?” He pressed carefully.

She pulled a blade of grass from the ground. Split it down the center with her thumbnail.

“What if it already did?”

He blinked. His heartbeat seemed to trip over itself.

“I’d think you were joking. Except you usually smirk when you’re joking, and right now you’re looking at me like…” He licked his lips when she glanced at them. “Like I’m dirt, and you’re going to eat me.”

He felt how stupid the words were as he said them, but they just kept spilling out. Where was the _abort_ command for his mouth? He needed an emergency off switch. Or the snake miraculous. But he didn’t have either of those, and she was still staring at him, and crap, he would’ve been better off shoving another handful of dirt into his face.

“How the heck did I fall for you?” she asked under her breath.

_“What?”_ Was she serious? He—he’d heard that right, hadn’t he? “You mean this whole time I’ve wanted to date you, and all I had to do was eat _dirt?”_

She met his eyes, and they simultaneously exploded into laughter. It shook his shoulders, filled his lungs, skyrocketed his heart. 

How could this feel so easy? Everything clicked into place, like their friendship had always been leading this way. Maybe it had, and he’d just been too blind to see it.

“We’re so stupid,” she said when she caught her breath. 

He grinned and wiped a tear from his eye. “Excuse you. _I’m_ the stupid one in this relationship.”

“Oh yeah? Well then, which one am I?” 

She didn’t even bat an eye at him insinuating—no, _outright stating_ —that they were in a relationship. That was enough to spread a giddy smile across his face. 

He shifted closer, so he was kneeling close enough for their knees to brush. 

“You’re the smart one, and the funny one, and the one I love.” 

He said it without flinching. Maybe he was coming on too strong, but if she still liked him after watching him eat dirt, one little confession probably wouldn’t change her mind.

A warm pink spread across her cheeks. Her hands found his, tangling their fingers together.

“Well you’re the brave one, and the and the sweet one, and the—the one _I_ love.”

Her words shot through him like lightning. She thought he was sweet and brave. She—she _loved_ him!

He threw his arms around her, a purr rumbling in his chest. She snuggled into the crook of his neck.

“Are you sure you want to cuddle?” She asked, her voice muffled by his shoulder. “I’m still sweaty. I probably stink.”

He let out a short laugh. He could smell the sweat clinging to her, but it was nothing compared to the softness of her filling his arms. 

“Then we can be stinky, dirty idiots together.” 

“Gross.” She pulled back enough to stick out her tongue. “I guess you can get away with that though.”

“Why? Because I’m used to being a stinky, dirty idiot?” He joked.

“No.” She almost kept a straight face, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Because you’re the hot one.”

His skin heated in all the places they touched, even through the suit. If that’s what she meant by hot, then she was right.

“I thought we already established that you’re the hot one, Princess.”

She snorted at that. “Okay, I’ll give us a tie. Mostly because I’d rather kiss you than argue with you.”

“You—you’d want to kiss me?” he spluttered.

“Only if you want to!” she said quickly. “I mean, like I said, I _am_ sweaty and I did just tell you I love you, so if it’s too fast—”

“Marinette,” he cut her off, his thumb coming up to rest against her cheek. “Of course I want to kiss you.”

She breathed out a sigh of relief. “ _Finally_.”

Then she grabbed his bell and pulled his face to hers. 

_Oh._ If cuddling with her was amazing, then this—this was _spectacular._ It took him a minute to remember what to do with his mouth, with his hands. Hers were tangling in his hair, so he figured that was enough permission to comb his claws through her pigtails.

He tilted his head, and her tongue slipped between his teeth. He might have teased her for moving so fast if he hadn’t been so busy returning the favor.

Somewhere along the way she slid into his lap, and any remaining brain cells went up in smoke. A blissful few minutes passed before her head jerked away.

“What?” He blinked away the pink haze that had overcome him. “Do I still taste like dirt?”

“No—well, yes, but that’s not important. I just felt something, and I, er, panicked and thought I knocked your tooth out.” 

“You kissed me hard, but not _that_ hard.”He laughed. “Though, if you wanted to try it…”

Her lips twisted, and then she spat something out into her palm. “What the heck?”

It was a pebble. He wiped his tongue across the top of his molar, and found it pleasantly pebbleless.

“You got it out.” He grinned.

“Oh my gosh. This was from the dirt, wasn’t it.”

He shrugged.

“ _Chat!”_

“You’re the one who wanted to kiss me!” He laughed, holding up his arms to block the pebble she threw at him.

“You owe me another kiss. A _dirt-free_ one this time.” She shoved her water bottle at him.

“Ah, how the turns have tabled.” He accepted the water and swished again before swallowing.

“You’re just lucky I like you,” she huffed, but her eyes still shone with affection. It warmed him from the inside out.

“Last I checked, you _looooved_ me,” he couldn’t help teasing. She knew what she’d gotten into by returning his feelings.

She only have a halfhearted attempt at shoving his arm away before relaxing into his embrace. “I do. You could say I have terra-ble taste.”

“Hey, I already used that one. No points for originality, but I’ll give it a solid six on account of comedic timing.”

“Really? A six?” She pouted. “That was worth at least an eight.”

“I can be bribed to change my mind.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

She trailed her fingers up and down his arm. Not for the first time, he wished he could detransform. He’d bet her touch would feel even softer on his bare arms.

“Are you asking for more pastries, or more kisses?” She asked.

“Surprise me?”

She laughed once more against his lips.

XXX

By the time they parted, the remaining traces of dirt were finally gone. 

All he could taste was her.


End file.
